The Jewel of my Garden that Doesn’t Glisten

Why am I taking this course?  I don’t have an artistic bone in my body and as classmates are responding to the question of what form their art project will take, I’m queasy querying myself.  I know I don’t paint, write, draw or capture an artistic photograph.  Oh God, what am I going to answer?  Words spew out of my mouth – I answer with the most obvious artistic ability I have: sewing.  I’m going to make a rag mat.  Now I’m committed – or maybe I should be committed.  Dear God, I’m going to be graded on this…

The idea came to me from my friend Heather who, although extremely talented with a piece of fabric and a sewing machine, labored for weeks making knots and untying them over and over again.  She gave me her first attempt at the art of making a floor mat from leftover scraps of fabric with a sigh of relief as she thanked me for my encouragement during her “ordeal”. 

“Here, this is for you, Pat.  It will go well in your kitchen.”

“Thanks!  Are you sure you don’t want to keep it for the cottage?  It would look great in the front porch. You put so much time and effort into this…”

“Are you nuts?  Every time I look at it I’ll see the mistakes and remember how many hours it took to get it to look like a mat.  Ha. Maybe I should keep it just to remind myself never to make another one.”

The professor thinks it’s a great idea and expounds on textile art.  I’m in a fog, listening but not processing.  I’m going to have to call Heather when I get home tonight and get the pattern for those mats.  What fabric do I have?  Sheets in the linen closet – this will be a good way to go through the old sheets and tidy up that closet at the same time.  Maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all…

Heather laughs at my asking for the instructions and gives me the website address for the rag mats.  She’s still laughing while asking me how I can get a credit for a Master’s level course by making one of those damned things.

“Heather, this isn’t funny.  I have to make something for this course – do something I’ve never done before.  You know, sort of stretch myself and get to know the process.”

“Why don’t you knit something?  Or make a christening gown?  Hey, I know!  Why don’t you finish that quilt I’m making for my niece’s wedding?”

“She was married last year and I already did some of that for you.  She’s going to be a grandmother by the time that’s done!”

“No, but she may be divorced by the time I finish it!  Good luck with the mat – remember to be patient with it.”

Heather tells me how to rip the sheets while I’m waiting for the instructions to arrive.  I collect scissors, ruler and my daughters’ childhood bed sheets of pink, yellow and green.  I’m going to create a rag mat of memories for each of them – the first for my eldest daughter who will appreciate my toiling at this project to make something she will enjoy for years to come. Yes, she will understand the memories it will evoke and the love that went into its creation. 

Measure, rip; measure, rip. Pick up the stray threads and pitch them. Lay the long thin strips in piles sorted by color.  Now, read the instructions and study the drawings.  Take out the toothbrush needle and practice those knots.  Finally, I’m ready for the mat – and actually looking forward to it. I should have realized at that point that this project was doomed…

Documenting the process is required and my husband, John, obliges by taking pictures.  Thank heavens he takes close ups of the stages rather than getting the expression on my face – laughing hysterically or in tears, neither would have been appropriate for presentation to the class.

By the sixth or seventh row, I know there’s a huge problem when John asks,

“Is the mat supposed to be rectangular?”

“Yes, here’s the picture on the front of the instructions.”

“Pat, you’ve got a problem…” and he holds the work up. 

“What the heck’s going on? Did I miss some knots?  That’s really crooked.”

“Let’s try to stretch it,” he suggests and we try to no avail.  Some of those knots are tighter than a teenage girl’s spandex pants.  They’re not moving, so I rip every last knot out for rows and put the whole thing away.  I can’t possibly do this.   

Several days later the mat is out again and we’re still snapping pictures and trying to loosen up on the tension.  In the meantime, I’ve gone back to knitting dishcloths in order to practice that very skill – tension.  Now if I could just loosen up the tension in my neck, shoulders and mind… and I hear “Ah, Pat’s mat is looking like …a girdle?  a wig worn in the British parliament?  a baby sling?”  All these suggestions have us in gales of laughter until I decide that’s enough for tonight.  Let’s try again tomorrow…

My fellow students discuss their projects’ progress and express some misgivings and much enthusiasm.  Dear God, what am I going to tell them about my disaster?  It’s coming, I explain.  Yes, there have been problems but nothing that can’t be overcome.  I’m living and breathing the process…but not for long (please God inspire me)!

The mat grows longer and not as wide.  And then it grows longer and wider.  Finally I know that enough is enough.  The dimensions aren’t close to what the instructions call for but I am pleased with the colors and pattern of the “thing”.  I call my husband and daughter into the kitchen to look at it.  With puzzled faces, they suggest possible uses…and again, we’re doubled over with tears in our eyes.  But I’m not crying just from the laughter – I have to present this to my classmates!  We have put hours into its creation, toiled with problems, attempted to find solutions and still have no idea what it’s going to be…but then again, then again, there may be a way to salvage this mat as a mat.  My husband’s purse idea comes to mind and I fold the mat and show them both that this could possibly become a “Garden” mat.  They want to know what I mean and I explain that when you’re out in the garden you need to have something to kneel on.  This, doubled over with the edges sewn together would be perfect.  If I leave the top open and attach a strap, I’ll have a “Garden Mat/Carrier” for carrying tools of the trade.  Trapezoid in shape, there’s enough to kneel on without any surplus to get caught up around you.  AHA!  They nod in agreement, sure that I’ve lost my mind…

During our next class, for the first time, I can honestly say that I’ll have a completed project – not a rag mat, but something much more interesting!  (Please God; bless them all with an extra helping of humor!)  Work on the presentation will be so much easier than the construction because I know I “get” it now – this process is one of letting go of pre-conceived notions and just being free with creation.  Not knowing what the outcome will be can be exciting – when you don’t worry about what other people think!

We choose a contrasting material for the edging.  First the bottom is sewn together, followed by the two sides. I edge the entire open top portion and knot together a strap for carrying.  I put in a small spade, trowel and a pair of garden gloves.  Pictures are taken – this time full face, smiling.  Now we’re ready for class…

Presentations are exciting, aren’t they?  We are instructed to discuss our process along with our project and we are in awe of the talents shown: an exquisite oil painting done by one who worked with her mother (she had us in tears), a fabulous meal presented by another who had produced a cookbook and discussed the actual dinner parties where she had experimented with different cuisines, a baby quilt lovingly stitched by hand to be finished when she met with her grandmother who was an expert quilter, a wonderfully written account of one’s experiences as a substitute teacher.  Again, I’m queasy – mine isn’t nearly as good as these.  Well, I hope they see that I’ve worked through the problems with this “thing” – please God, let them have a sense of humor!

The presentation is going very well – I notice I am breathing normally now.  They’re asking to see it!  Oh my God, one of them wants the pattern?  Why?  What do you mean, will I make you one?  No, I couldn’t….thanks for asking, but you just don’t understand.  This is a one of kind “Rag Garden Kneeler/Carrier”….I don’t have the patience to remember how to screw it up exactly the same way a second time!  But I will get you the instructions and you can try it for yourself – the process is what you need to experience because there is truly nothing like living it, and loving it.